Dear MAAH:
Thanks for being the first student this term to post onto the Planiran.com forums! You’re brave and efficient!
As you know, the primary purpose of these exercises is to get everyone’s English up to speed. I am thus going to be strict about grammar. I will now go over your paragraph, sentence by sentence.
I`m the student in urbanism field in shiraz UN ,#entering in 86.
If you are the only student of urbanism at Shiraz University, then “the” is correct. If there are any other urbanism students, then you are “a” student. It’s either “in the field of urbanism” or “of urbanism”. Shiraz should be capitalized. Spell out “university” (e.g., don’t use “UN”. At the very least, if you want to abbreviate “university”, use “U.”). The comma is also oddly placed. You must have no space before the comma, and a single space after it. Consider the following:
I’m a student in the field of urbanism at Shiraz University. I entered the university in the Fall of ‘86.
Or:
I have been a student of urbanism at Shiraz University since ‘86.
Or: (try something new!)
Next line:
this field is the newest field & we face with desinging & theorize work.
All sentences need to begin with what? A capital letter! Oops.
What do you mean by “the newest field”? Is it the newest academic field in our department? The newest field ever? How do you measure “newness” in an academic field? I didn’t think “urbanism” was that “new”. It’s been around for a while. What are you really trying to say here?
“We face with…” sounds like a direct translation of the farsi - با...روبرو میشویم - Alternatives include: “we encounter”, “the field involves”, “incorporates”, and so on. “Design” is spelled with a “gn”, not “ng”.
Some options:
This field is relatively recent [compared to what?] and incorporates both design and theory.
Next Line:
To be sucsessfully in this field we should see obviously around the space & have an creative mind.
Thanks for defining success in your field!
Success is spelled with two c’s. Note that the suffix “-ly” denotes an adverb.
The word “should” is weak. “Must” is more emphatic. Alternatively you could say “need to be able to”.
What do you mean by “see obviously around the space”? It’s not clear. Elaborate on it. Perhaps it might help for you to itemize, or to describe the different steps involved in “seeing around a space.”
Article use: Use “a” before a consonant, and “an” before a vowel. E.g., “a car”, vs. “an apple”. “Creative” starts with the letter “c” so this should be “a creative mind”.
In sum:
To be successful in this field requires spatial awareness and a creative mind.
For desinging the city we have to pay attation to people & their ideas & then desing the city.
You have some spelling errors here. Also, the sentence is somewhat redundant (repetitive), e.g., “for designing…then design…” As to the content of the sentence, what does “paying attention to people and their ideas” involve? Do we just look up, see the people, then ignore them and go back to our design? Feel free to clarify your thoughts on this matter.
Next line:
Importance: Urbanism withe people instead of urbanism for people.
This sounds like an aphorism (look it up). Is this your motto? You have only one typo (withe).
As to the content: Why did you use the word “instead”? Shouldn’t this be inclusive? “Urbanism by the people, with the people, for the people”. This reminds me of the Gettysburg Address:
we here highly resolve that these dead shall not have died in vain—that this nation, under God, shall have a new birth of freedom—and that government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth.
Your last sentence is:
But unfortounatly,#the most of the planner didn`t study the urbanism basically & they are from variety field such as ,Economic,Geogeraphy,… .
Unfortunately, you misspelled “unfortunately”. “But” and “unfortunately” are redundant. Here we see the spacing error related to your use of commas. There should be no space before the comma, and one space after. This, this, and that. “Economic” and “geography” don’t need to be capitalized, do you know why?
“the most of the planner…the urbanism” shows a lack of awareness of the article “the”. I think what you’re trying to say is:
Unfortunately, most planners come from fields such as economics or geography and haven’t studied urbanism.
Please take the time to rewrite your post. Correct the grammatical errors and elaborate on the content as noted.
